Suffering

these last seasons

I have been 

healing because

finally I have allowed 

myself to stop 

trying to be 

other than I am 

which was murdering 

me in the space 

of my belonging

it is still hard

to wake up and 

press myself into

the gray box 

of the office 

to pour stimulants 

into my mouth 

and force myself 

to swallow

sweet and bitter

bitter and sweet

I am not fit

for this world

I am not fit 

for this world