Detached

One of the strangest choices

of the patriarchy 

was to eviscerate women’s desire

I see that having agency over longing 

would be a strength

but yielding to it might also be a distraction

and so walking the world

with a yardstick of mental distance

between my thoughts and the bodies of men 

acts as a liberation.

I think it would be a hindrance

to always look at your legs

to marvel at their power and musculature

to think about the coiled strength of your back 

and the way the deltoid folds over the shoulder

but instead I am taught to wonder 

what you are thinking 

and the impossibility of getting 

into your head

is like a brick wall standing between us.

So I exist like a spirit without

connection to the flesh

watching the people on the street 

go by as if they are 

captured on film and just as distant

and I wonder at the man who ogled me

through my puffy down vest at the door

because I cannot imagine 

being present in myself to that extent 

and part of me thinks that I am missing out

and part of me is grateful to be spared

any more feelings.